Nov 23, 2017

Ending Page.

(I promise to an old friend to not being salty, but this is the last time, ok.)
(and this one, is dedicated to myself, as a reminder. to not live in shades of grey anymore.)

it took 6 years.
it took 6 years for a person to ruin a relationship.
it took 6 years later for me to realize that I had this blog post.
which ironically,
happened to me,
(almost, exactly or more) 6 years later.

its a bullshit when a person said that he loves you,
after he called someone else with a pet name.
(bitch, I knew we're both not the cute and romantic couple ever, but seriously? disgusting)

its a bullshit when a person said that there's no way he gonna ruin everything for someone else that (I believe) has a better appearance than the one that person already has.

even after a few weeks, 
even after I (kinda) found out the truth,
I don't think I really need to know the real reason of why that person do that horribly thing.
all the reason that you said to me.. you think I'm gonna believe that?
a liar will always be.
liar, liar.

after almost a year living in shades of grey, 
living in overthinking and feeling insecure,
(and I always believe that my guts, my feelings never gone wrong)
the truth finally unveils itself,
and I believe, I deserves to be happy.
to be happier than I already am.

1. please, make some boundaries.
2. before you do something, think first. was it okay if I do what you did?
3. I'm trying to take care of your feelings, I hope you do the same.
4. no need to kills me with the white lies. fuck secrets, you said to open up but fuck that too. just talk and tell the truth. I'm good.
4. I'm not being anxious and don't-know-what-to-feel-now for no reason, because insecurities kills. 
6. maybe I just don't give a damn anymore if the same thing or similiar pattern happen again.
7. because I deserves to be happy. in any kind of way.
sometimes, the colorful life could turn into grey, into ashes in a blink of an eye. - Tannya Cantiqa, 2017.

no, I may not the most saint person that you may know.
I will never forgive those who lied and hurt me.
maybe someday, 
time will tell.

its a lie if I say that it's easy,
it's hard, and it hurts so much.
I've grown attach and getting used to it,
but then that person just ruin everything.

as that person always said that we need to be honest to each other.
its a bullshit.
maybe this year were not meant for us, and so God finally gave the light to me.

or maybe God just don't have a heart to see me ; the naive me ; the super honest and nice me (in the past relationship with that person), living in grey for some times.

I always said that a relationship is a work for 2 people that involves in it. 
even after some fights I still have some faith,
to take care of that person heart, that person mind,
and because Karma does fucking exist.
but it goes wasted because that person ruined it,
because that person didn't care about my feelings ; my heart when that person decided to do that sin thing.

that low thing.

I will never blame those other person who come and go after that person
(since I don't know the truth, how many specifically)
I will never forgive them either, for knowing the truth about that person life and go stalking about me (this is the funniest part tbh) but still longing for that person's heart.

look, since a relationshit takes 2 head of a person that involves in it, I will never blame that bitch side or that person side. 
both sides are at fault.
and disgusting.

someone even said that I am lucky for having that person.
well, I was.
not after that person hurting my heart terribly and left a deep scar.

what goes around comes around.

I'm not being a big headed here but,
do you think you gonna find someone who gonna love you like I did?
do you think you gonna find someone else that could accept you for who you are? your flaws, your bad side, your dark side and other else, just like how I did?
do you remember when you said that you don't need a new person in your life because you need the one that understand you the most? that been with you through thick and thin?
fucking lies, bullshit.

well, good luck with that.

as I said before, its not easy to change everything.
especially when people and friends around you know on how long.
6 fucking years and goes wasted.

won't let it rotten on Recycle Bin, right?

being loyal is a choice of your own life.

Can you blame me for being heartless when I had my fuckin’ heart ripped out? - Here Come The Regrets, Epik High ft. Lee Hi.
Nov 23rd 2k17,

The one who need a happier life than I had before, back to the square one.
Tannya Cantiqa.